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The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader crew : Mark Robins, Rick Shaine, Mark Johnson, Andrew Adamson, C. S. Lewis, Philip Steuer, Douglas Gresham, Perry Moore, Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader release date : 21 November 19 7 8
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This time around Edmund and Lucy Pevensie, along with their pesky cousin Eustace Scrubb find themselves swallowed into a painting and on to a fantastic Narnian ship headed for the very edges of the world. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader 2010 review : In the immortal words of Col. Kurtz, "The horror...the horror." Marlon Brando wasn't speaking of this film, of course, but rather the horrors of the Vietnam War. The sentiment remains applicable.

When I write reviews, I do try to give at least a modicum of context, be it a history of the film itself, predecessors to its place in cinema history, or my general feelings on the type of film. In this case, I've just referenced Francis Ford Coppola's classic take on Joseph Conrad's "Heart of Darkness," Apocalypse Now. What does that have to do with Dawn Treader? Nothing, and I couldn't be happier. Why? Because it's distracted my mind with thoughts of a far, far better film. Allow me my few moments of happiness before I have to rifle through the dark filing cabinet of my mind to marshal my thoughts on this atrocity.\

What went so wrong here, you may ask? We'll start with the history of this franchise. I do not have the highest opinion of this series. We started out with the most famous of C. S. Lewis' Narnia cycle, The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. I don't know...perhaps if we hadn't been in the middle of such a fantasy film renaissance, I would have found it more palatable. Instead, coming on the heels of Peter Jackson's generation-defining Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the high class and quality of the Harry Potter franchise, that weak take on a book series that didn't thrill me as a child struck me as a cheap, childish appetizer compared to the magnificent feasts audiences had already been served, their stories facile, their acting (aside from a typically great Tilda Swinton) either poor or phoned-in (Paging Mr. Neeson, your paycheck is waiting for you). SHREK co-director Andrew Adamson was the helmer of both Wardrobe and Caspian, and I had hoped those film's failings were due perhaps to his inexperience as a director of live-action. The first film of course wore its Christian allegory on its sleeve (Lewis, for all his writings, never managed to find the definition of "subtle"), and it found favor with the churchgoing crowd, whose turnout afforded it a huge box office windfall. The second film was more of a straight actioner (in the vein of Star Wars Episode I, which is to say the supposed action was mired in a swamp of facile and achingly dull political machinations), and didn't find purchase with the same demographic, and box office returns were disappointingly low. Disney, who had financed the films, saw the writing on the wall, and dropped the series. That should have been the end of it.

Until 20th Century Fox stepped in. Now, let's remember: Fox doesn't have the best track record with adapting beloved fantasy series into films (a moment of silence for the tragedies that were The Dark is Rising and Eregon, please). Hiring Michael Apted as the director seemed to be bucking the trend of shoveling out crap. Apted isn't really known as an action, fantasy, or epic film director, but he showed promise with the last Pierce Brosnan/James Bond film, The World is Not Enough (I'll not blame him for Denise Richards'...nuclear physicist...sigh). Still, director in place, 20th Century Fox and Walden Media cobbled together another Narnia adventure, and the results were predictably terrible.

Honestly, I wish I hadn't expected a poor film going in. Because this film not only met but exceeded my expectations of terrible, and it's not because I was pre-judging it. It's because it was simply that bad. The plot is nonsensical, randomly shunting characters from one loosely-connected vignette to the next, with hokey dialogue and dire predictions of eeeevil standing in for actual menace or intrigue. It's a shaggy dog road trip story, waterlogged on a boat, and I found myself half an hour in wishing desperately that the characters would all get scurvy and die.

The plot's so thinly-sketched that I may as well not even try to recount it here, but it has something to do with two of the kids from previous films being once again pulled into Narnia at absolute random, with no thematic or plot reason for any of the nonsense in the first place. Once there, our cast is rounded out with their exceptionally annoying cousin, and despite no one knowing quite what's going on, they stumble upon the titular character of the second film, Prince Caspian, and join him on his completely random quest to recover seven old friends of his long-dead father who disappeared for some reason, and no one knows why. So they fight an island made of evil. Good wins, evil is defeated, the end. Please, let it be the end.

Listen: I love fantasy. I love science fiction, I love horror, I love all of the outré genres, the fantastic, the unreal. It fascinates me, and I love wrapping myself in the trappings of the genre like a favored blanket, letting their comforting warmth wash over me in waves of escapism and nostalgia. But this half-assed bunch of hokum had me rolling my eyes, with the stilted dialogue and the hastily-sketched characters and the nonsensical plot and the ARGH it's too much.

The icing on this crap cake was the ham-handed, in-no-uncertain-terms Christian allegory with which the film beat the audience over the head with all the grace, power, and strength of an industrial-size sledgehammer. Yes, the evil was SIN. And Aslan is JESUS. Who exists as a lion in an alternate universe or something, apparently. Who pulls children into this alternate universe at random for...no apparent reason whatsoever (the film explicitly states that it's "to know Him (Aslan i.e. Jesus, in case you didn't already pick up on that) better," but if that's the case, why just these four kids? What's the thematic point of this? Why were the elder kids now judged worthy of not having watery allegory poured down their throats again? What did these kids learn at the end of this film that made them better people?

ARGH again. I cannot even begin to catalogue the problems with this series, from either the internal "logic" of the series or the external logic of the human brain. Doing so only hurts my head.

Remember how I said the second film in the series lacked the ham-fisted Christian allegory of the first? Well, 20th Century Fox apparently recognized the church-going demographic was what made the first film such a success, and had them ramp up the religious content from "allegory" to "explicit yelling at the audience and rubbing its nose in it like it's a puppy who peed on the carpet." This sentiment struck me as wholly insincere, a manufactured "message" shoehorned in by a film studio who wanted nothing more than to reap the box office rewards of the first film which felt, though unsubtle, genuine in its intentions.

I've seen films more poorly shot, more poorly acted, more poorly assembled. But this boring, useless, preachy slog with no purpose or point had me at the absolute end of my rope. Rare is it that I sit in a darkened theater constantly looking at my watch, biding my time, aching for the dross on the screen to end so that I simply don't have to endure it anymore. But that's exactly what happened with this film.

Before anyone jumps on the obvious point of attack, let me say in no uncertain terms that I am Christian. But (and this is an exceptionally important point) just because a the message of a particular film/book/song/etc. is Christian doesn't make the work inherently good. Nor does criticism of the work in some way equal an anti-Christian sentiment. I often feel that works perceived as "Christian" get a free pass on quality because of their message, but quality doesn't work like that. Lowering one's standards results only in mediocre pablum like this continuing to be passed off for media conglomerates to make a quick, insincere buck. Do me a favor. If you've enjoyed these films, fine. I whole-heartedly disagree, but I'm certainly not going to tell you you're wrong for enjoying them. But I beg of you: Don't shut off the critical area of your brain just because something agrees with your worldview. Doing so is a disservice not only to yourself, but everyone else like you who has to suffer through trash like this.
Growing up in the Canada in the 70's and 80's, I fondly recall vastly enjoying an animated version of Lewis' 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' that was presented by Kraft on CTV. Now as a father of a son, I want to see with him the contemporary versions of the books I adored in my youth, though at present I greatly prefer the craftsmanship of cinema pre-1970.

It never bothers me in the slightest, to the ire of my more obsessive-compulsive cinephilic friends, seeing films of series with complete disregard to their order (one of my friends nearly had a heart attack, when he discovered I had watched 'Spider-Man 3' without having previously watched films 1 and 2--don't even get me started about the 'Harry Potter' series...), so, especially curious about how one of my favourite contemporary directors, Michael Apted, would do in the realm of big-budget, CGI-intensive fantasy filmmaking (I expected a fish-out-of-water, like Lord Richard Attenborough helming 'A Chorus Line'), I gave this a shot.

I enjoyed this more than 'Harry Potter' films I have seen, though it does stretch things from the literary works, but unfortunately, that seems to be the way things are, since film became less about artistry and more about business (just see at Toys R Us how many possible toys you can purchase, and similar commercial off-shoots, and I don't even consider this series a major player in this sort of area, because of its Christian undertones, which really doesn't mesh perfectly with selling tons of toys, though of course the realms aren't mutually exclusive, not by any stretch of the imagination). I think that Apted did a decent job, especially considering that yes, he is a fine director, but this isn't really his cup of tea. I distinctly feel that if these films are your comfort food, you won't be disappointed. I look forward to checking out the series' two preceding entries, and, though they left an opportunity for more films, which I believe wouldn't be from Lewis' works at all, it was a nice summation at its conclusion.

Finally, it was great to see (or at the very least, hear) Tilda Swinton, Liam Neeson and Simon Pegg, they seem to be thrown in everything these days. I heartily salute their agents--they must have the very best in the business.

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Friday the 13th Part 2 release date : 15 August 19 5 3
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_Final rating:★★★ - I liked it. Would personally recommend you give it a go._
***Serious retread of the first film with some differences***

I'm fan of the "Friday the 13th" franchise even though I’m not a gorehound and only occasionally watch slasher flicks. It has nothing to do with nostalgia since I didn't become a fan until I I saw 1985's "Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning" on TV one night in the late 90s. I think I like these movies because they typically involve young people in a fun camp-type environment in the woods; the presence of an unstoppable killer, who increasingly becomes a hideous monster over the course of the series, adds an air of danger and suspense. Include scores of gorgeous females and various filming locations around North America and you have a fabulously entertaining franchise.

Released in 1981, one year after the first film, "Part II" is basically a retread with different characters, a different killer and a different camp on the same lake, not far from "Camp Blood," i.e. Camp Crystal lake. In reality, the film was shot on an entirely different location; specifically Kent, Connecticut.

It's interesting how none of the films were shot at the same location even though, typically, the location in the story is the general vicinity of Camp Crystal Lake. The locations of the films in the series include northern New Jersey (I), Connecticut (II), Southern Cal (III, IV, V & IX), Georgia (VI), Alabama (VII), British Columbia (VIII & XI), New York City (VIII), Toronto (X & XI) and Texas (XII).

It's the camp-like settings of most of the franchise and the unrelenting monster that is Jason Voorhees that especially sets "Friday the 13th" apart from similar franchises.

Concerning the tone, the first two films are serious in nature with the expected antics of youths on vacation in the woods, but the series introduced a campy element in Part III, which plagued several subsequent entries (V, VI, IX & X) until the reboot in 2009. Not that I'm complaining much, as these films are only quasi-believable anyway; still, I prefer the serious tone. Speaking of which, the only thing questionable about the first film, as far as realism goes, is how the killer is able to throw an adult corpse through a window or hang a body from a door, etc. But I suppose these things can be attributed to the powerful psycho Voorhees gene (or the demon thing disclosed in 1993’s “Jason Goes to Hell”).

Many people find these films scary and shocking and the first two movies have some chilling atmospherics, some of the others as well, but, with the exception of the 2009 reboot, I don't find these movies particularly scary. They're sometimes creepy, sometimes suspenseful, sometimes exciting and always fun & entertaining, but not scary. In fact, I usually bust out laughing at the inevitable death scenes. There are numerous jump-scares, of course, but that's not what I'm talking about.

Part II doesn't overstay its welcome at a mere 87 minutes. It introduces the adult Jason Voorhees, but he's noticeably smaller in stature and more human than in later sequels. A couple of times the main protagonist, Ginny (Amy Steel), is able to deter him fairly easily (like opening a car door or kicking him in the groin). Speaking of Ginny, she's a fine heroine in the manner of Alice in the first film and Pam in Part V. Kirsten Baker plays the requisite hottie, Terry, and the filmmakers don’t fail to highlight her beauty. Unfortunately, the ambiguity of the ending is inexplicable.

GRADE: A-

(If you wonder why I rate a film like this so highly, I'm grading it according to what it is: a slasher flick. No genre is beyond redemption or above contempt and this one delivers the goods).

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Title : The Lawnmower Man
The Lawnmower Man genre : Horror, Thriller, Science Fiction
The Lawnmower Man crew : Russell Carpenter, Alan Baumgarten, Brett Leonard, Brett Leonard, Gimel Everett, Gimel Everett, Dan Wyman, Steven A. Lane, Robert Pringle, Edward Simons
The Lawnmower Man release date : 5 March 19 8 9
The Lawnmower Man runtime : 108 Minutes
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A simple man is turned into a genius through the application of computer science. The Lawnmower Man 1992 review : It Lacks Qualcast Quality.



The Lawnmower Man is directed by Brett Leonard who also co-writes the screenplay with Gimel Everett. It stars Pierce Brosnan, Jeff Fahey, Jenny Wright, Geoffrey Lewis, Jeremy Slate and Dean Norris. Music is by Dan Wyman and cinematography by Russell Carpenter.



Dr. Lawrence Angelo (Brosnan) is a big mover in the science of virtual reality. When he tries his new technology on mentally challenged gardener Jobe Smith (Fahey), it elevates him to a higher intelligence and it’s not long before Jobe acquires scary new powers…



Originally meant to be, and titled as, Stephen King’s Lawnmower Man, the film eventually, after a King lawsuit, ended up bearing very little resemblance to the author’s short story. There’s a couple of small ligaments that link the two, but in the main (not Maine) this Lawnmower Man is its own entity and an obvious attempt to cash in on the then virtual reality zeitgeist.



Lawnmower Man has a cult fan base, of that there is no doubt, where much like Tron from 10 years earlier, the effects work and the capturing of something very much being “in” with the youth of the time, has proved perpetually appealing to nostalgists. But strip away these and you have your basic Frankenstein story for the 90s, a pretty standard story lacking intelligent smarts or deep thematic points of worth. And then of course there is the bizarre fact of having a film decrying the advancement of computer technology, by using computer technology to make the film’s strongest moments! Hee. It’s only adequately performed by the cast, and Leonard’s direction matches his writing, which is mundane when not about the visual effects; effects work that dated very quickly as it happened.



Other cuts and sequels would follow, the former didn’t improve the same basic problems of the theatrical cut, the latter releases proved to be laughably bad. The Lawnmower Man, an interesting movie in the context of its time, and certainly fun enough for those who were there cloaked in a visually inspired warm glow, but it has not been a must see film for anyone else since 1995. 4/10
Ahead of its time. Unfortunately, the technology it uses was not.

Final rating:★★½ - Had a lot that appealed to me, didn’t quite work as a whole.

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Jungle 2 Jungle release date : 1 December 19 8 0
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